Are You A Boy Trapped In A Mans Body?

Written by Justin Dulihanty on Oct. 14th 2022

HAS THERE EVER BEEN A PART OF YOU THAT FEELS LIKE A BOY TRAPPED IN A MAN’S BODY? SURE YOU DO ADULT ‘THINGS’ AND HAVE ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES, BUT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS YOU STILL FEEL INSECURE, NEEDY AND IMMATURE… 
THERE IS A PERFECTLY VALID REASON FOR THIS, AND IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

Maturity doesn't come with AGE, it's a byproduct of emotional growth and development. 

And unfortunately many of us have experienced some level of pain/trauma during childhood, which results in an automatic shutting off from, and blocking out our feelings and emotions at a young age.

When we shut off our emotions during infancy because we endured too much emotional pain we become emotionally stunted.

This is called ‘emotional arrest’.

Simply put, our body continues to mature, but our emotional age does not, it remains stunted at the age where we shut down, this impacts not only our mental and emotional health, but ALL our future relationships.

Some signs of emotional underdevelopment are:

1. You find it hard to feel or show emotions.

2. When you get too close to someone, you shut down, pull back, do something that sabotages the relationship.

3. You struggle to feel more lighter and more gratifying feelings and emotions, such as peace, contentment, happiness, excitement etc.

4. You use substance and choose behaviors that allow you to avoid feeling your emotions (“keeping busy”, sex, porn, masturbation, drugs, alcohol, or even picking up a self-help book when you’re feeling dead and empty inside)

5. You chase highs to avoid the lows.

6. You avoid getting too close to someone for fear that will abandon you. 

7. You avoid conflict or any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.

And last but not least, you (unconsciously) choose partners who share the same emotional age as you, who are also trying to fill their inner-void.

But how does this translate to our relationships and partner selection?

We are attracted to those who match our own level of emotional development. Truly empowered individuals do not pair with those who are not. It is simply not an energetic fit and will not feel right.

When you’re in an emotionally underdeveloped relationship the dynamic will always be intense, chaotic and unstable. You will always feel like you’re walking on eggshells, waiting for the shoe to drop and the shit storm to begin.

You never know if she loves or hates you, and you’re forever attempting to control the emotional climate so you can have a moment of peace and calm.

You’re always on guard, wondering “what the f*ck is going to happen next”

And when the relationship ends, and your life is absent from the chaos, you’ll want her and the chaos back, because you’ve realized that for most of your life it was the chaos that was distracting you from feelings of depression, anxiety and inner emptiness.

So, where do men go to solve these problems?

In most cases, therapy… But it misses the mark entirely. Because you cannot treat matters of the heart through the head. 

You must use the tools to feel the void instead of filling it. If you want to form healthy bonds and attachments in your next romantic relationships you MUST grow emotionally.

If you have any questions, comment below. Or, if you’re needing more assistance, you can book a free discovery call , so one of our highly trained coaches can help you get to the core of your challenges. Just follow the link in the top bar.